Teach your children well

I love TedTalks. A few times a week, I sit down while Noah is napping and watch a few. They always leave me feeling inspired and amazed. So many interesting people and ideas. So may ways to help make this world better. This year’s conference just happened, and I enviously read the lineup of guests who would be speaking. I was surprised to read that Jamie Oliver would be receiving the TedPrize this year. What for? I was confused. The English chef? I don’t get it…

I just watched his talk. And it makes me weep. It makes me fucking weep. It was brilliant.

20 minutes in this day and age is a lot to ask of someone, but I implore you – you with children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews. Watch this talk. And imagine how you can make a change with the food these children in your lives eat.

From the day he arrived, we have always been emphatic that Noah eat well, he eat local and he eat organic. I don’t care what it takes, but this is non-negotiable. I will go without many other things in my life, but I will make sure this happens. Having watched this talk, I believe in that choice 200% more. And I’m not naive – I realize that we are VERY fortunate to be in a financial position to allow an experience like this for Noah, but his future health is paramount and for that I will not cut corners.

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I can hear Noah snoring through the baby monitor. He has a cold. His 3rd ever. But he keeps smiling, laughing, playing… I have my heart in my mouth, worried about what-if and all that crap, but he is joyous and mostly annoyed by the green snot seeping down over his upper lip. Being a parent teaches you new things each day, but over and over it reminds you: BE GRATEFUL. This is an easy thing to write or tell others, but to actually take a break each day and genuinely think on the things that you have and the reasons you have to be grateful takes effort. And having a kid has forced me to take that moment and genuinely reflect.

I cant stop this feeling

I always rolled my eyes as a child when adults said, ‘This year just flew by!’ Does this mean I am now old? I was basically pregnant from the beginning of the year, and life changed quite a bit as soon as I found out I was. My social life came to a dramatic halt, my sleep cycle increased tenfold, and my priorities shifted dramatically. Emails, postal mail and phone calls became less important and I began to retreat. Taking more time for introspection, I found myself returning to ideas and thoughts as old as high school and some even before. I started tying up mental loose ends and deciding what it is I want for the future. In a way, this mental spring cleaning was my way of getting ready for Noah’s arrival. I wanted everything to be in order, no stone left unturned. In a way, I wanted to be sure that there was nothing I felt incomplete in the wake of his birth. To my great relief, this was true. My life thus far has been full.

I have had some amazing friends in my life. Many I no longer know, but they all taught me something important. I have known frendship in many forms and feel blessed to be surrounded by friends now who know me so well – sometimes like the reflection in a mirror. They make me feel good about myself, and I love being able to love them right back.

I have traveled to distant places and seen a little bit of the world. There is a still a long list of countries I would like to visit, but this a life long journey.

I have been making art all my life, with projects as early as seven years old. I have somehow managed to continue feeding that warm glow I feel in my belly when something is inspiring and pleasing sometimes only to me. I suppose this is my inner voice – my instinct – my gut reaction. No one can teach me that, steal it from me, make me change it. It is in essence who I am. I have managed to hold onto this, believe in it and nurture it. Through many days and nights alone in my room during high school with journals, art classes, a college education, graduate school, galleries, non-profit spaces, public places. I have not lost sight of creating things that are about more than myself. I have not forgotten that there are much more important things than who I am, and my selfish needs – that there are millions who starve, suffer and lose, every single day.

I have known flirtatious, immature love when I was younger. And luckily I have known the deepest love with Max. Every time I think I’ve reached the highest point on the mountain, I realize I have barely begun to climb. His love, kindness and consideration knows no bounds, and this marriage is limitless in it’s love. It would be impossible to write about it with any true description, as what I feel when I am with him is indescribable. Is my glass half full you ask? My glass is a fucking ocean.

And now, there is Noah. This is something you can talk about, research, imagine and prepare for your whole life. But when the child finally arrives, it is like starting your life as an infant as well. In a way, you begin again. This love and connection is much like my love for Max – words cannot adequately quantify what I am feeling and how I move through my days. I still find myself looking at him sometimes and wondering if it is all real. Did I really grow such an exquisite being in my belly? Did I really carry him around, feel him kick and know that it would be this good? He is divine.

And there goes almost a full year, as December is halfway through. This year really flew by! And as I will be a full time mother for 2009, I can only imagine the blissful adventures Noah and I will have together.