How you know you have PMS #1

Watching Mona Lisa Smile makes you cry.

Like a baby.

True

“I have peed a thousand times today.”

“I doubt it.”

Lessons in patience

A week ago Max injured his back. We have no idea how, or exactly when it happened. But he started having pain last weekend, and things escalated quickly by Sunday evening. For the last 7 days, he’s only been able to stand or lay down. Only last night did he briefly sit, while using some of his yoga blocks in a special upright pose. As far as sleeping goes, he was doing very little of this until his doctor gave him some hard core pain medication in the middle of the week. And that has only enabled him to do so in 3-4 hour blocks of time. He has to get up and walk around in between these extended naps, and finally he doesn’t feel “like someone is stabbing him in the back with a knife.” There have been chiropractors, physical therapy massages and acupuncture. Heating pads, ice packs, biofreeze, new slip on shoes. Making beds on the living floor because the harder the surface the better. Lots of DVD rentals and comfort food. And lots of love.

This guy is my rock. He is stronger and faster than anyone. He can do anything. And it is hard to see him like this.

Going on some shorts walks in the neighborhood with him, I notice he is taking baby steps. He was shocked when an old lady overtook him crossing the street with her walker. He keeps thanking me, and telling me how grateful he is to have someone like me. But I don’t need to hear it.

For the first 4 years we were together, my asthma was severe. My inhaler was practically surgically attached to my hand. I had a nebulizer which I needed to use often, and there were so many medications. I wasn’t very active, and I got pneumonia every winter. There were so many days when he made me soup, and did his homework in a chair, while watching over me, as I lay wheezing in my sleep.

Each time he thanks me, I remind him of this. Like I said, I don’t need to hear it. This is what we do for each other. This is what those vows are all about.

The weekend of things that never happen.

Yesterday and today I feel particularly spaced out. No real reason for it, so I will blame on the planets. Everyone I talk to lately says they feel out of sorts. Max said life feels like he’s inside a pressure cooker. I agree with this completely. Ever since the summer started this year, I have no felt like I have enough time for anything: Email. This blog. My studio practice. The new job. It’s a lot being a grown up. What will I do when I finally have a baby?! When those days come, I will likely have to give up on some things. I suppose this is part of the compromise of being an adult.

I slept until 11 today. That just never happens. Max is at a conference, and I stayed up late watching a documentary called Gray Gardens. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up an hour later. That also never happens. I spent the day in my studio yesterday working on a drawing for a show next month. I’m really into it, but it’s taking forever. Tiny pen lines. My hand gets sore, my eyes start to hurt. I have to take lots of breaks. I met up with Melissa & Erik last night for a show Erik was part of. His paintings are beautiful. If I had $1500 to spare, I totally would have bought one of them. It’s got this little girl in the corner in a red and white checked dress. Melissa said it’s of a little girl they know named Evie, but it reminds me of Melissa. The rest of the work in the show hardly compared to Erik’s stuff. He’s a very dedicated and talented artist.

Today I spent a lot of time on the phone talking to some of my favorite people. Max called me when I woke up. I gave my dad a little Photoshop lesson, and that felt good. It’s nice to teach someone with a skill you have. I also talked to Melissa for an hour, about nothing and everything – love those talks. And I spoke to Bruno for a while. He is very encouraging about my project to walk from here to LA. He’s convinced Wim Wenders would follow me and film it. That would be awesome. Anyone want to sponsor me for 4 months so that I can do that? I have more projects that I want to do than I have time or money to do them. All we need to do is win the lottery and then I’ll be free to make all these things at my leisure. That would be dreamy…

Scary

I have a folder on my computer called ‘Camera’. In it, I keep adding images and video clips of things that I want to put on the blog. Like the concerts I’ve been to in the last few months: Massive Attack, Sufjan Stevens, Shawn Colvin. And last night – Jenny Lewis. Wow – they have all been amazing. I will blog about these soon…

That folder also include photos from my life over the last 3 months. I’ve been a busy bee, which is partly why the blog river runs dry. It’s a vicious cycle. Blog about life, or live life and blog later. Hmm…

It’s Halloween today, and I didn’t really feel it much. Perhaps I am too much of a grownup and my life is surrounded by people who don’t think it’s important. I actually don’t mind Halloween, but don’t really like all the things involved. I’ve never been interested in scary movies, I’m not a fan of gore, and I don’t eat chocolate or candy. I also don’t like to be scared, or startled.

Ben told me today that one his friends was attacked last week when she was going home, by two men. They pushed her into her apartment, raped her and then made her get dressed to go to the ATM and give them all the money in her account. They stole her purse, phone and keys so that she had nowhere to go and no way of telling anyone. That is true scary. The kind that really will give me nightmares.

I am staying in tonight. Not even going to the gym. The weather has turned bitterly cold, and the sun went down at like 4pm. I am definitely affected by the change in season and light. I notice that the older I get, the more productive I am during sunlight hours. When the moon comes out, I tend to retreat and want to do very little work. Unless of course I am in my studio. That place I could be forever.