In a nutshell

Maximilian: our kid is the best
Me: totes

Strong silent type

The starfish has been replaced.

Last year I attended an amazing conference, and participated in artist Terry Chatkupt’s Informal Interviews Video Project. You can see my interview here. Sadly, I have been replaced by an even smaller starfish. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Hiccups

He knows I have a dairy spoilage phobia. Is he trying to destroy me?!

From another room I hear what sounds like puking or gagging in the kitchen, where they both are.

“What’s going on?” I ask from the other room.

“I just tasted some milk.”

“Oh, I thought Noah was puking.”

“No, I just took a sip of milk from a container in the fridge. It said Dec 8, so…”

“Oh. Why – what’s today’s date?”

“Oh, like December-much-later.”

I cant stop this feeling

I always rolled my eyes as a child when adults said, ‘This year just flew by!’ Does this mean I am now old? I was basically pregnant from the beginning of the year, and life changed quite a bit as soon as I found out I was. My social life came to a dramatic halt, my sleep cycle increased tenfold, and my priorities shifted dramatically. Emails, postal mail and phone calls became less important and I began to retreat. Taking more time for introspection, I found myself returning to ideas and thoughts as old as high school and some even before. I started tying up mental loose ends and deciding what it is I want for the future. In a way, this mental spring cleaning was my way of getting ready for Noah’s arrival. I wanted everything to be in order, no stone left unturned. In a way, I wanted to be sure that there was nothing I felt incomplete in the wake of his birth. To my great relief, this was true. My life thus far has been full.

I have had some amazing friends in my life. Many I no longer know, but they all taught me something important. I have known frendship in many forms and feel blessed to be surrounded by friends now who know me so well – sometimes like the reflection in a mirror. They make me feel good about myself, and I love being able to love them right back.

I have traveled to distant places and seen a little bit of the world. There is a still a long list of countries I would like to visit, but this a life long journey.

I have been making art all my life, with projects as early as seven years old. I have somehow managed to continue feeding that warm glow I feel in my belly when something is inspiring and pleasing sometimes only to me. I suppose this is my inner voice – my instinct – my gut reaction. No one can teach me that, steal it from me, make me change it. It is in essence who I am. I have managed to hold onto this, believe in it and nurture it. Through many days and nights alone in my room during high school with journals, art classes, a college education, graduate school, galleries, non-profit spaces, public places. I have not lost sight of creating things that are about more than myself. I have not forgotten that there are much more important things than who I am, and my selfish needs – that there are millions who starve, suffer and lose, every single day.

I have known flirtatious, immature love when I was younger. And luckily I have known the deepest love with Max. Every time I think I’ve reached the highest point on the mountain, I realize I have barely begun to climb. His love, kindness and consideration knows no bounds, and this marriage is limitless in it’s love. It would be impossible to write about it with any true description, as what I feel when I am with him is indescribable. Is my glass half full you ask? My glass is a fucking ocean.

And now, there is Noah. This is something you can talk about, research, imagine and prepare for your whole life. But when the child finally arrives, it is like starting your life as an infant as well. In a way, you begin again. This love and connection is much like my love for Max – words cannot adequately quantify what I am feeling and how I move through my days. I still find myself looking at him sometimes and wondering if it is all real. Did I really grow such an exquisite being in my belly? Did I really carry him around, feel him kick and know that it would be this good? He is divine.

And there goes almost a full year, as December is halfway through. This year really flew by! And as I will be a full time mother for 2009, I can only imagine the blissful adventures Noah and I will have together.